Something that I have managed to stumble upon unfortunately a lot more than I would like is an alarmingly increasing number of girls who find they’re just too damaged for happiness. First of all aside from the obvious shit these girls have been through, it’s a drag for someone like me who’s interested in meeting a great girl and finds that because of some of their pasts, it’s impossible for some girls to trust themselves again. I have spent sometime interviewing a couple different girls who have let it be known that their past is a huge hindrance in their ability to maintain a healthy relationship. Or start one for that matter. I received a vast array of answers from these girls but they ultimately circled back to one common issue…their troublesome dating past and how it hurts them in their present.
Everyone goes through different processes when a relationship ends. It’s like the grieving process after a death, it takes time and has steps. You learn a lot from each relationship. You learn what you want, don’t want, and a lot about yourself with each new relationship. You sometimes choose to accept the things that you are unwilling to change. I was told repeatedly that because of some horrible past dating experiences they’re scarred moving forward. One girl told me she freaks out if things become serious now and tends to run or leave the situation because she can’t deal with going through a serious meltdown again. To quote her, “to reach this broken point, takes years of running and being in things that aren’t 100% right.” What hurts the most about that saying is her follow up that because of that she won’t get in relationships and must always maintain control when talking to a guy.
You can’t guarantee control. When you lose it, you lose your perceived upper hand in a situation. The real problem there is that you are inhibiting yourself from maintaining and flourishing in a relationship. I found myself asking if their guardedness inhibits their ability to date men and have fun and surprisingly they all answered the same way, no. They also all admitted that their friends were the single biggest pressure point for them “needing” a relationship. They all reiterated that they felt pressured by their friends in relationships to find someone and be part of the crew. I found that staggering. Sadly, each girl actually admitted that they were afraid of commitment, and afraid of being hurt. And that to me highlights their single reason they won’t find anything with true happiness.
The problem there is they lack the ability to let themselves go with someone. They won’t give in to their feelings and really feel out the person they are seemingly having fun with because of the fear they have that they will get hurt again like they were in the past. That’s rough. Dating is not a race and it’s not a competition, but at some point it’s only logical to assume it’s time to settle down and at least maintain a serious partner versus sleeping around. I don’t know that I fully agree with that but that’s neither here nor there!
Look dating is hard. I can’t begin to describe how hard it is. If you’re out there dating you know this. My fear for these girls is that their fear of getting hurt again is inhibiting them from seeing someone who could be truly special for them. I understand their apprehension. It’s common. Too common amongst girls between 20-30 nowadays unfortunately. The trick is that even though you are scared and worried you are going to get hurt, give it a shot. The best things come out of nowhere. Do you really want to close yourself off from finding something special? I can’t say it will be easy and it’s very likely that moving forward you will get hurt again. But that’s life. Life is tough. But saddled with the choice of sitting it out and playing it safe, I’d take getting hurt any day of the week.
So what am I saying here? Go for it. Everything happens for a reason so don’t close yourself off from a potential guy because of your fear of being hurt. One girl that I spoke to mentioned to me that she found this amazing guy that she says they get along great together. But they both recently go out of relationships and are extremely guarded. That sucks. That’s one of those situations where these two could be absolutely perfect for each other but their own pasts are getting in the way of their futures. I told the girl that she needs to be open and honest with the guy and tell him how she feels and what she wants. She said she was going to and I hope she does. You just gotta go for it and live life. The worst that can happen is getting hurt. And that’s not terrible. It sucks but you’ll be stronger in the long run. So good luck!
