Nothing happens for a reason. There is no cosmic significance for why shit in our lives takes place and there sure as fuck is no such thing as soul mates. I’m a fool. I am a wannabe hopeless romantic and a complete fool. You know what happens when you give someone your heart? They crush you. I will never give someone that power over me again. Never. Where do you go form the bottom? How do you crawl back up?
You may find yourself depressed, in a bad mood, feeling like shit. And you know what we’ve all been there. Someone once asked me why is it that sometimes when you’re sleeping with someone it’s never more than that? That when you see a romantic comedy things always find a way of falling into place for them, but rarely in real life? I couldn’t really answer that, I am by all accounts, and quite clearly not God.
I’ve had a lot of sex in my life. Some meaningful, and most not. But why is it that seemingly every time I find someone I care about or begin to develop feelings for someone it always blows up? Why is it that each and every time I allow myself to wonder what it would be like to be in a meaningful healthy relationship with someone it falls apart? Idk maybe it’s just me. Perhaps I just give off the aura of a guy just looking to have fun. Who knows. For some reason when I finally found someone that I really couldn’t imagine my life without, here I am completely alone. Again. Maybe it’s just meant to be.
It’s not supposed to be like this anymore. You’re supposed to fall in love. You’re supposed to find the person you’re going to be with. And yet here I am floundering about not having an utter clue. I won’t pretend it’s just me. I’m not that stupid nor that vain. I just thought that eventually, especially now, that if I felt a spark I so seldom feel with someone that would be the cue for this to be something fucking spectacular. And yet, here I am, back at the start. No closer to the finish line and wondering what’s it all about again. Dating’s hard. It is a game. A lot of times you trick yourself into thinking that if you’re just fucking someone that it’s fine it’s what you want. But deep down, you know you want more. So I am not going to do that anymore. No more lying for me about what I want. No more fucking bullshit anymore. There comes a time when I think we are all fed up with the games, the bullshit, and the nonsense and you just say enough. It’s time to get to a place where I’m truly happy. Or you’re truly happy.
I’m not sure what has changed in me. Maybe I’m just a sucker. A fool. Maybe the belief that everything happens in the first place is just stupid. Who knows? At the end of the day it’s a nice thing to believe that your life falls into place and everything makes sense sometime. I think for me, whether I care to admit it or not, I’ll always believe in fate, in soul mates, in love. Because really who doesn’t want to believe in those things? Who doesn’t want to hope against hope that something magical can happen to us? Go big or go home. Love big or not at all. Put yourself out there in the hopes that the worst thing you can get is a broken heart. I’ll tell you I’ve felt more alive these past two weeks then I have in a long, long time.
Posted by datingsagame on August 27, 2012
I think it’s a fair assertion that nobody is perfect. I am certainly far from perfect. We all make mistakes. It is what those mistakes ultimately cost us that makes fucking up the worst. It could be saying something stupid, not doing something you say you will, cheating, lying, it can be anything. The point is that people will always no matter what, fuck up. It’s how we treat those mistakes it’s how we treat those transgressions that allow us to grow as a person. Trust is the hardest thing to gain and ultimately the easiest thing for someone to lose.
I have a hard time opening up and trusting someone. Actually I think I fundamentally lack the ability to trust. I don’t think anything in my life has ever scared me. I’ve been cheated on before but I have a zero tolerance for that. I have a cut and dry approach to that and if you cheat on me you’re done. We are done. No real thought goes into that. So why do you think I find it impossible to trust? I have a great family. Great friends. Nobody has ever done any real malice to me. My life has been completely blessed. What is wrong with me? Is there something wrong with me even?
I’ve noticed that I have a hard time believing what I am told from a significant other in regards to how they feel about me. Nothing crazy like I don’t believe what they did last night but I can not for some reason trust that they care about me the way they do. That’s something I know I have to work on. Something that me as a significant other in someone’s life I have to work on. Again, I admit that I am not perfect. People make mistakes. The way we go about getting beyond those hurts and mistakes is what ultimately allows us to grow as a person.
You ever hear that old adage, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me? That is 100% true. I will be very truthful when I say I have never cheated on someone. I don’t get the thought process behind it. Why throw away something you’ve spent time building to act on impulse and lust? I don’t understand it. I don’t get why people feel the need to satisfy a void or a perceived void with someone else. If your relationship is truly lacking something, sleeping around will not help. Communication, trust, love, these are the things that will ultimately get you through.
Ladies and gentlemen, sometimes people just do shitty things. There’s no excuse for them, and ultimately how you handle that destroying is what is going to allow you to mature. Have you been cheated on? I’m sure you have. Have you been verbally abused? I really hope not. Let me tell you a story. I once fell for a girl. Pretty hard. We were never official. We never established what we were. I found out she was hooking up with someone else. I was very hurt but was I allowed to be? Should I have been? Ask yourself these questions. For the first time in my life I am not mad, I am not sad, I am curious. I am wondering why someone would do these things.
Every now and then in life you get thrown a curveball and you swing and miss horribly. I’m sitting in one of those situations right now. But ultimately there’s only one thing to do. Get up and go for another at bat. In life it’s not about the amount of times you get knocked down, it’s about the times you get up. Right now I’m down. Very, very, down. But tomorrow I’ll wake up and feel a little less worse and each day the pain will go away. Tell yourself that you’re special and know that eventually you’ll find the right person. Until then, go big or don’t go at all.
Posted by datingsagame on August 17, 2012
Lately I’ve been asking myself a pretty basic question. What is love? Seems basic enough. But I had so many other thoughts and feelings that crept into my mind about it. Is love having everything in common with someone? Is it being a complete opposite and complimenting each other? Or could it just be that you’d rather spend every waking moment with a person rather than without them? I suspect it’s partly all of them, partly none of them. It’s one of those seriously fucked up things in life that’s meant to constantly keep people awake at night.
I’m not saying that in a bad way. I do not mean to say that love is a bad thing. Quite the contrary. Love is an extraordinary thing capable of making people to truly remarkable things. But none of that really points to the answering the question that I find asking myself. What is love? I’d love to know what you think. Love to know what everybody thinks about what that word means to them. Because I have a sneaky suspicion that if you asked 100 people, you’d receive 100 different answers about love is. I’m no expert. But to me love boils down to a few, very specific, very important elements.
Love to me is simple. It’s that feeling. That feeling of unease that creeps into your mind, your body, your soul when you think about a person. That’s not to say it’s a negative feeling. It’s just that feeling that you can’t quite put your finger on it. When you think about the person you can’t quite trace what it is about them that has you so mesmerized. Love is trust. Love is being able to know that the person you love has your back. That even when the worst possible things happen in your life, that they’ll be there for you. Love is chemistry. Love is sex. Love is being with someone who you couldn’t live with out. And ultimately love is about figuring out that even when you think you have it, you really might not.
Love to me is a complex and amazing thing. I can honestly tell you that when you meet the right person everything will not magically fall right into place. Listen, life isn’t a fairy tale. You can absolutely fall in love with a person and everything can come crashing down around you. I’m not saying that. I’m saying that when you really meet the right person. The person that is your soul mate, your whatever you want to call it, that things will eventually fall into place. It likely won’t be easy. It likely won’t be all sunshines and rainbows but at some point it will all come together. Fate, and life, and love, have a funny way of creeping up on you and changing everything it is you thought you knew about yourself. And at the end of the day, you’ll be glad.
Posted by datingsagame on April 16, 2012
So I recently got an opportunity to see the movie Going The Distance, staring Drew Barrymore and that guy from the Apple commercials. As you’ll recall in one of my previous posts, I’m pretty adamant against long distance relationships. But I’ve got to admit, this film has me reconsidering just a bit. I’m not gonna use this post as a synapsysis of the film. More to discuss the topic of long distance and how this Rom/Com has totally flipped my views on the subject.
So orignially my feelings were pretty blunt. Long distance doesn’t work. At the end of it, eventually someone cheats, or someone drifts away. It’s just a very stressful, difficult situation to get through. Every forray I have into long distance has ended badly. I’ve only heard of like 2 out of 200 long distance relationships actually working out. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but it’s improbable. Shit is just difficult. Who wants to hurt someone they love? Who wants to take all that time and ruin something because they’re horny one night? After a while you just get the feeling that long distance just won’t work.
But now, after seeing this one of the most uber cheesiest Rom/Com’s I must say I’m beginning to change my tune. Listen, I’ve had bad experiences and heard of plenty of other bad experiences so of course I’m not the biggest fan of long distance. But this movie has kinda flipped it. If even just a little bit. It kinda showed, and mostly due to great chemistry between Barrymore and Justin Long that if you really love someone it’s possible to make it work. At the end of the day, if you’re in it for the long haul and you can’t imagine being with the person for the rest of your life. Fuck it, go for it.
I do think long distance is the ultimate test for a relationship. I don’t think you should do it while in college and if you do it post college, I really hope you think that you’re marrying that other person. I’ve seen and met to many gorgeous girls who have a long distance boyfriend and they end up cheating on her. Make sure you’re doing this for the right reason, that you can’t live your life without this person. Because when it’s all said and done, I hope that you’re spending the rest of your life with them. That’s how hard it is. You have to fight for what you want. And in the end, everything will shake out the way it’s supposed to.
Posted by datingsagame on October 14, 2011
Ok, so let me be perfectly honest here. I am a drunk texter. I’ve gone to AA, I’ve gone to meetings, nothing works. Get me a bit hammered and out comes my phone. Texts go flying out left and right. I don’t know why I do it. I try not to, but time and time again, I drunk text. Are you guilty of this? Do you drunk dial former hookups/boyfriends/girlfriends etc? I mean I know for a fact I’m not the only one here. What do you think, on a scale of 1-10 how bad is it to drunk text/dial?
I personally don’t think it’s that big a deal. It usually leads to some funny conversations, occasionally some ass, and most of the times a lot of apologies. Either way, the act of drunk texting is usually funny. For me I like to see what comes of it. One time, I drunk texted a girl I hadn’t seen in ages. She said I was really funny and cute while drunk texting her and the next night we went out for dinner. It’s kind of amazing what can happen if you put some thought into your drunk texting. (yes I’m joking) But in all seriousness, if you’re going to drunk text, at least make sure you’re not inciting some sort of drama to unfold the next day.
Look, I’ve got to admit. I am a sinful, repeat offender. I drunk text, a lot. But, I don’t drunk text people who don’t want to hear from me. In other words, I’m not blowing up girls who hate me, or whom I had a massive falling out with. Even drunk me knows who to text and who not to. Obviously, we’re not all gifted with this superior drunk texting vision. But I drink a lot of scotch. Maybe that helps? Who knows. Ha, the moral of the story here folks, don’t take offense to being booty called, drunk dialed, it’s all in good fun.
At the end of the day, drunk texting is a fact of life. People do things they ordinarily wouldn’t do while sober. Get over it. The simple fact remains that a drunk mans words, are a sober mans thoughts. So what it boils down to here folks, if someone’s calling or texting you late, it’s cause they miss you or want you. And not just on the sex space either. Granted getting laid late at night is a big reason for drunk texting. But a lot of times there is ulterior motives other than just getting laid.
Posted by datingsagame on August 11, 2011
In almost every species on the planet except for humans, monogamy does not exist. While I have no evidence to back this up, I know I’ve heard something to the tune of what I just said. But in all seriousness, with monogamy as uncommon as it is, why is it that our generation more so than others are looking for this so strongly? Is it me or does it seem that a crazy number of <30 year olds are rapidly approaching the aisle. It’s weird. I’m all for monogamy, and if you have found the right one, well then congrats I’m super excited for you. But what is this whole, “oh I just have to be married by 30″ bullshit? Who decided 30 was when you HAD to be married by?
Granted, I think I’ve gone off on a giant tangent but back to monogamy in general. I like the idea. The thought of being with just one girl for the rest of my life does on some levels appeal to me. Some. Levels. Not all. And with a divorce rate hovering at 50% who can blame me? But the general concept I like. I do believe in soul mates, and if you’re lucky enough to find someone that you can’t live a day with out, props for you. I like it a bit more because of the obvious health reasons. AKA, no STDS. Well in a perfect world at least. But on the overall concept of spending your life with one person, I can tolerate it.
In all seriousness, monogamy for the right reasons is a great idea. Sadly, sometimes I think people back their way into a marriage, or a domestic partnership for not always the right reasons. Nobody is holding a gun to your head people. There’s no reason why you have to set up “back up plans” or fall back husbands/wives. 30 is not a number to fear. Rather embrace. There is no reason, whatsoever, that you need to be married at anyone’s pace other than your own. You need to wait until you find someone that makes you happy all the time. At that point, and only that point, you can get married. And fuck, I hope it’s when you’re 31.
Look, if you’re young and single and feel the need to establish a “back up plan” I feel sorry for you. Have some fucking confidence in yourself that you’ll find someone on your own, without having to accept a marriage for reasons unbeknownst to me. Marry for love. Be monogamous for love. Being with one person for the rest of your life is special. And if you’re lucky enough to find that I’m so because happy you’re blessed. But there is no reason why you need to fear single life. There’s nothing wrong with not being monogamous. Not everyone is meant to be. Plenty of bachelors and bachelorette’s live great, single, fun filled lives. Monogamy is being forced down our throats. Go for what makes YOU happy and nobody else.
Posted by datingsagame on July 25, 2011
Have you ever cheated on someone? Been cheated on? Do you find it hard to trust people, or your significant other? Do you think you’re the only one out there that has these issues? Well don’t because you’re not. Thousands if not millions of people have been cheated on, and while granted in your particular case I’m sure it was the end of the world but you have to do your best to get over it. Trusting is a key trait to a healthy relationship. It’s difficult to envision any type of relationship that works well with the drama that has to do with a lack of trust. Trust me. I know.
So while I’m sure it’s tempting to check his Facebook page, or his cell phone, email accounts, Ipad or whatever other electronic cheating device you may have handy. Don’t. Have a little faith. An invasion of your significant others privacy without warrant is going to lead you down a very bad road. Not only does it show you have little faith in them, it also shows you’re some what psycho. I mean really, who wants to have their bf/gf go through their shit? Shouldn’t you trust me?
Now, granted you’re not going to listen to me and you’re going to pillege the shit out of their cheatologies (cheating technologies). And when you do, what’s going to happen when you find something you don’t like? Say you find out he’s been messaging another girl on Facebook. Or there’s some scandalous text messages from an ex gf or bf. At this point now you’re in worse shit then you started in. First it started with you admitting, at least to yourself, that you can’t trust your significant other. Now you’ve actually uncovered something you didn’t know exisited, but suspected it did. What in the fuck do you do at this point? Do you confront them? Do you tell them I found X,Y, or Z while going through your shit?
Granted, at this point you’re fucked one way or the other. You’ve just found out that unfortunately your suspicions were accurate and what’s more unfortunate is now you have to confront them about it because at this point you have to. You crossed a line and now you have to pay the consequences. Besides, do you want to be with someone who’s being shady behind your back? I know I don’t. So this leads down a relatively rocky road that leads to either you breaking up or having one hell of a massive blow out. And for what? Because you don’t have self restraint, or trust. There’s just no winning situation here. Do yourself a favor and trust the person you’re with. And if they’ve given you a reason not to, you either have to put up or shut up. Accept that there’s something going on and do nothing about it. Or pack your shit and bounce. The choice is yours. And there’s nobody who can tell you what is right or wrong to do at this point.
Posted by datingsagame on May 25, 2011
Someone has to explain something to me. Man X has gorgeous girlfriend Y. Said couple has a healthy active sex life and then somewhere at the one year, two year mark Man X loses his sex drive. In what I can only deem a shocking, and unnerving development I have just been recently getting a lot of questions about long time couples and sex. Apparently, in all too much frequency, men are not holding their end of the bargain when it comes to sex in relationships. This is mind boggling to me. I mean, being a very sexual person, I find it hard to believe that any man is going to willingly pass up sex for any reason. And yet here I am getting emails and stories about women in relationships for many years who are not satisfied.
I mean listen, there are plenty of reasons we can get into that could be a perfect reason for a decreased libido. I’m not talking about guys with any type of ED or any type of problems downstairs. I mean men who for one reason or another are totally lacking in the sex department in frequency. One girl told me that for the last 5 months of her relationship she said she had sex with her boyfriend once, maybe twice. TWICE!? In 5 months?!?! Jesus, this is a problem. I get it folks, you come home from work and you’re tired. Things happen and there are a litany of reasons that things don’t happen. But 5 fucking months? Come on guys, if you can’t tell something’s wrong at this point you have a problem.
Listen ladies, I know it’s hard for you to admit if there’s a problem with your relationship. More so if it involves issues in the love making department. But if your man hasn’t touched you in days, weeks, or months, there is a SERIOUS issue here. If you don’t acknowledge the fact that you have a problem in your relationship, you’re staying with this person for the wrong reasons. I’m not making excuses and I never would for guys who do this. I mean listen, sex in a relationship needs to be frequent. I’m talking once a day, at least 5 out of 7 days of the week, Aunt Flow permitting. But if you have a long gap in sex like some of these people, it’s time to start asking questions and figuring out what the fuck is wrong.
I’m not saying he’s cheating, and I’m not saying he’s got a problem, but there’s something wrong here. If you can’t accept that and confront that, you’re doomed to not just sexlessness but a serious problem in your relationship as your lack of intimacy grows and mounts. I don’t want to suggest that sex is the end all and be all in a relationship. Quite the contrary. But the thing I can not stress enough is that a strong, healthy sex life is paramount to maintaining what is already a solid relationship. Listen ladies, it’s an awkward conversation to have. You can’t just be like, “hey, why are we not fucking.” But be understanding and drop hints. Try to be sexy and seduce him and if none of these things work it’s time to confront him. Relationships are partnerships, and if your partner is not holding up his end of the deal it’s time to move on.
Posted by datingsagame on May 20, 2011
This man here is about as close to American Pie you can get with out actually being born in this country. The muscle showing meat head to known to some as just Arnold (insert Austrian accent here) has been the darling of this country since he stepped foot on our shores some three decades prior. Only an Austrian could invade this country with the charisma and finesse that Arnold was able to do. First he became a massive success in the realm of body building and later an action movie titan with works like The Terminator series. Seemingly having it all, he even decided to assimilate himself one step further into American history and culture by marrying a Kennedy. Arnold had it all, unlike his tiny half wit twin Danny Devito, but that’s another story for another day.
After decades in the lime light Schwarzenegger was able to parlay movie stardom with political success when he became the Governator, er. GOVERNOR of California (insert Austrian accent again) in 2007. While this background information has little to do with dating I figured it serves as a necessary backdrop to paint the picture of just how far the mighty can fall. If you haven’t seen the news lately then you live under a rock but it was discovered that Arnold fathered a child with his house staff 10 years ago…10! That is amazing that such a secret could be kept for that long but that’s another story all together.
The thing I want to talk about here isn’t Arnie’s lack of fidelity. Or his inability to be the man we all thought he was. But more so to discuss just how tough dating, love, life, marriage, and family really is. And the sad, sad truth of it all is that unfortunately sometimes nothing is ever what it seems. After 25 years you figure such a relationship would be rock solid. That a man would respect his wife, children, and himself. It’s sad. Everything happens for a reason and maybe that bastard love child will grow up to be the President of The United States (we all know Arnie can’t). But in all seriousness cheating is a terrible thing. There’s no right time for it to happen and it should never happen. 25 years seems like a long time to just flush something down the drain to bang a house keeper. No matter how hot she may or may not be.
The moral of the story here folks is that no matter how great your relationship is that it will always need work. There’s always things that you need to work on to keep improving your relationship. Whether it be a sexual aspect or not. Dating is difficult but if you’re with someone special it shouldn’t feel like work. Make sure you find the right person for you, and not the right person that everyone else thinks you should be with. Karma’s a bitch, so for all you people out there who have been cheated on, cheer up. Everyone gets what they deserve in the end.
Posted by datingsagame on May 18, 2011
I have been asked this a couple times so I figured it worthy of a post. The question being, should you give a past girlfriend/boyfriend a second chance? That in my opinion is probably the most difficult relationship type question to be asked. The thing I always point out to and the thing I think people most typically ignore is the bad times. Sure when you’re thinking about getting back together with an ex you remember all of the good times. The fun, the parties, the dates, the sex. All the important things like why you broke up in the first place cease to exist. You tend to forget about the fights, the drama, the things that bothered you and caused the break up in the first place.
But don’t take my opinion for it. I have no idea what I’m talking about. Seriously though, think about it logically. When you look back in your past I would argue that you remember 95% of the good stuff and only 5% of the bad stuff. I mean I can speak honestly and say for the most part, I definitely block out the bad shit that happens. And I don’t even mean that exclusively in a dating sense. Seldom does someone want to look back and think about the shit that was bad. I mean why would you? That doesn’t make much sense. Memories are meant to be positive and so you remember the good times, not the bad.
Now with all that being said, odds are you’re going to get back together with that person. And why is that? Comfort. You grew so accustomed to what life was like with that person that you didn’t give yourself much time to fully adjust to life with out them. That’s the problem. If you’re never truly over the person and don’t give yourself a chance to move on, how could you possibly ever envision your life with out them? Odds are you won’t. Or just choose not to.
I’m not saying there’s a right or wrong answer here. Sometimes time is really all you need to figure out what you want with each other and realize that you belong together. And I hope that ends up happening to every couple who gets back together. But sometimes things stay status quo and unfortunately you’re right back where you were originally except you’re sad again, and it’s another 6 months to a year later. Look at the end of the day you have to live your life the way you want it. Ignore what people tell you and trust your gut and ultimately go with your heart.
Things happen for a reason and sometimes you just have to do what’s right for you. Feel free to make mistakes. Life is all about mistakes, getting over them and learning from them. If you can’t do that you’re doomed for a life of misery. I don’t mean that literally but seriously, you have to learn from your mistakes. If you don’t figure out what makes you happy, then you will find it extremely difficult to be so. I say no matter what you should always trust yourself and trust your heart. Go for things that you know in the end may not work out because in the moment it feels right. At the end of the day better to live a life regret free then full of regrets!
Posted by datingsagame on April 4, 2011