I think it’s a fair assertion that nobody is perfect. I am certainly far from perfect. We all make mistakes. It is what those mistakes ultimately cost us that makes fucking up the worst. It could be saying something stupid, not doing something you say you will, cheating, lying, it can be anything. The point is that people will always no matter what, fuck up. It’s how we treat those mistakes it’s how we treat those transgressions that allow us to grow as a person. Trust is the hardest thing to gain and ultimately the easiest thing for someone to lose.
I have a hard time opening up and trusting someone. Actually I think I fundamentally lack the ability to trust. I don’t think anything in my life has ever scared me. I’ve been cheated on before but I have a zero tolerance for that. I have a cut and dry approach to that and if you cheat on me you’re done. We are done. No real thought goes into that. So why do you think I find it impossible to trust? I have a great family. Great friends. Nobody has ever done any real malice to me. My life has been completely blessed. What is wrong with me? Is there something wrong with me even?
I’ve noticed that I have a hard time believing what I am told from a significant other in regards to how they feel about me. Nothing crazy like I don’t believe what they did last night but I can not for some reason trust that they care about me the way they do. That’s something I know I have to work on. Something that me as a significant other in someone’s life I have to work on. Again, I admit that I am not perfect. People make mistakes. The way we go about getting beyond those hurts and mistakes is what ultimately allows us to grow as a person.
You ever hear that old adage, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me? That is 100% true. I will be very truthful when I say I have never cheated on someone. I don’t get the thought process behind it. Why throw away something you’ve spent time building to act on impulse and lust? I don’t understand it. I don’t get why people feel the need to satisfy a void or a perceived void with someone else. If your relationship is truly lacking something, sleeping around will not help. Communication, trust, love, these are the things that will ultimately get you through.
Ladies and gentlemen, sometimes people just do shitty things. There’s no excuse for them, and ultimately how you handle that destroying is what is going to allow you to mature. Have you been cheated on? I’m sure you have. Have you been verbally abused? I really hope not. Let me tell you a story. I once fell for a girl. Pretty hard. We were never official. We never established what we were. I found out she was hooking up with someone else. I was very hurt but was I allowed to be? Should I have been? Ask yourself these questions. For the first time in my life I am not mad, I am not sad, I am curious. I am wondering why someone would do these things.
Every now and then in life you get thrown a curveball and you swing and miss horribly. I’m sitting in one of those situations right now. But ultimately there’s only one thing to do. Get up and go for another at bat. In life it’s not about the amount of times you get knocked down, it’s about the times you get up. Right now I’m down. Very, very, down. But tomorrow I’ll wake up and feel a little less worse and each day the pain will go away. Tell yourself that you’re special and know that eventually you’ll find the right person. Until then, go big or don’t go at all.