All posts in category Confidence

Mistakes and Reflections

I think it’s a fair assertion that nobody is perfect. I am certainly far from perfect. We all make mistakes. It is what those mistakes ultimately cost us that makes fucking up the worst. It could be saying something stupid, not doing something you say you will, cheating, lying, it can be anything. The point is that people will always no matter what, fuck up. It’s how we treat those mistakes it’s how we treat those transgressions that allow us to grow as a person. Trust is the hardest thing to gain and ultimately the easiest thing for someone to lose.

I have a hard time opening up and trusting someone. Actually I think I fundamentally lack the ability to trust. I don’t think anything in my life has ever scared me. I’ve been cheated on before but I have a zero tolerance for that. I have a cut and dry approach to that and if you cheat on me you’re done. We are done. No real thought goes into that. So why do you think I find it impossible to trust? I have a great family. Great friends. Nobody has ever done any real malice to me. My life has been completely blessed. What is wrong with me? Is there something wrong with me even?

I’ve noticed that I have a hard time believing what I am told from a significant other in regards to how they feel about me. Nothing crazy like I don’t believe what they did last night but I can not for some reason trust that they care about me the way they do. That’s something I know I have to work on. Something that me as a significant other in someone’s life I have to work on. Again, I admit that I am not perfect. People make mistakes. The way we go about getting beyond those hurts and mistakes is what ultimately allows us to grow as a person.

You ever hear that old adage, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me? That is 100% true. I will be very truthful when I say I have never cheated on someone. I don’t get the thought process behind it. Why throw away something you’ve spent time building to act on impulse and lust? I don’t understand it. I don’t get why people feel the need to satisfy a void or a perceived void with someone else. If your relationship is truly lacking something, sleeping around will not help. Communication, trust, love, these are the things that will ultimately get you through.

Ladies and gentlemen, sometimes people just do shitty things. There’s no excuse for them, and ultimately how you handle that destroying is what is going to allow you to mature. Have you been cheated on? I’m sure you have. Have you been verbally abused? I really hope not. Let me tell you a story. I once fell for a girl. Pretty hard. We were never official. We never established what we were. I found out she was hooking up with someone else. I was very hurt but was I allowed to be? Should I have been? Ask yourself these questions. For the first time in my life I am not mad, I am not sad, I am curious. I am wondering why someone would do these things.

Every now and then in life you get thrown a curveball and you swing and miss horribly. I’m sitting in one of those situations right now. But ultimately there’s only one thing to do. Get up and go for another at bat. In life it’s not about the amount of times you get knocked down, it’s about the times you get up. Right now I’m down. Very, very, down. But tomorrow I’ll wake up and feel a little less worse and each day the pain will go away. Tell yourself that you’re special and know that eventually you’ll find the right person. Until then, go big or don’t go at all.

Unexpectedly, Expected

I just realized that I have no relationships what so ever with any girl I’ve ever seriously, or casually dated. What do you think that says about me? Once in a while you’ll meet a girl that has you second guessing everything about yourself when you meet her. She changes it all. But it seems like whenever you meet those game changers things never last too long. Fate has a funny way of bringing people together and yet almost simultaneously pulling them apart. Who you are as a person, is it something that’s predetermined when you’re born, or rather who you become over time? Who you become, and what you do with your life, is this something you can control? Or rather something that fate has just cruelly twisted together to make you continually second guessing yourself each step of the way?

Sometimes I find myself unable to imagine myself not being alone. That’s not to say that it’s what I want or would ever remotely want. But it’s something that can keep a guy up at night. You want to be the guy who gets the girl. The guy who meets a girl, falls madly in love and everything just clicks into place. Unfortunately that’s rare. I want to be the guy that gets the girl. Who wouldn’t? Sometimes you think you’ve found her and you have her and it just ends up that you’re only going to for a short while. Honestly, whatever happened to being HONEST. To telling someone exactly, how you feel, being completely up front and real. What happened to that? Why is it so much about playing games and all the incessant nonsense bullshit that goes along with it?

In life, fate only takes you so far, the rest my dear friends, is up to you. A lot of things in life boil down to chemistry and timing. It’s an easy cop out to say that everything happens for a reason even when I actually truly believe that. But in all honesty, it’s a scape goat. We say that to make ourselves feel better the day after we get dumped. Or after someone we know dies in a car accident. The simple fact of the matter is that life is messy, and not all people get a happy ending. Sometimes you can have your cake, you just don’t get to eat it. Sometimes fate plays tricks on you and gives you a glimmer of hope only to yank it away seconds later. I believe it’s possible in an instant to know you can’t spend your life without someone. But why so often are those same feelings not necessarily reciprocated?

Truthfully, dating is hard. Love is hard. Life IS hard. It’s hard on it’s own, you don’t need to be adding to it by trying to force things that aren’t there. When something is truly meant to be….It. Will. Be. Round pegs, don’t fit in square holes no matter how hard we force them in. A lot of times for me, it’s not whether I’ll meet the right girl or not, but rather if it’ll be the right time for both of us. Timing is everything in life. Seconds turn into minutes, that turn into hours, that turn into days. But when you really take a look at it, a minute here and there could be life altering for one person or any person for that matter.

So what am I trying to say here? Tough for me to decipher amongst these incessant ramblings. But I guess life is really tough. You get a lot of ups and you get a lot of downs. But when it comes down to it, trust yourself. Trust who you are as a person and what you want out of your life. If you get butterflies the first time you meet a guy then ask him out. If you kiss a girl and you feel a spark make sure you don’t let her get away. If you get the opportunity to kiss a beautiful girl, go for it. Life is short, you really don’t know how many chances you are going to have to make memories.

What I really think life is about is love. Love for your family. Love for your friends. And love for the people around you. It’s about finding love and keeping it. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to be lucky in love, but when you find something that feels right hold on to it. I will readily admit to letting good things in life pass me by. I will readily admit to being afraid to speak up and afraid to go for what I want. Those amount to some massive regrets in my life. But I’ve gotten so much better at that now. I’m no longer afraid to voice my feelings or opinions on what I want and what matters to me. And neither should you.

Life is what you make of it. Love is what you make of it. If you meet someone you can’t be with out, tell them that. It may hurt to be rejected but it will hurt a lot more to second guess yourself for 40-50 years. Carpe diem. Seize the day. Go for what you want for fucks sake! Nobody is going to give you anything in life. You have to earn it. If that means getting rejected fine, so what? If that means getting hurt, hey nobody said this was going to be easy. But at the end of the day, you want to be able to say I fucking went for it each and every day of my life and I am proud on how I lived.

How Long Do You Play The Game?

God I wish I knew. This is THE question. There’s no answer to that. I’m still waiting to figure it out myself! I mean I feel as if the game gets pretty old pretty quick. Who honestly loves being out there routinely dating never really progressing past a couple of dates? I’d venture to say no one. It’s a difficult thing finding love…If it were easy it wouldn’t be worth it. Look ultimately if playing the game were easy things would just fall into place with the first person you dated. But it’s not like that, and that’s half the fun of the journey.

I likin playing the game to the movie 500 Days of Summer. Joseph Gordon Levitt’s character falls in love with a girl who he thinks is the one. (Zooey Deschanel) But turns out she’s not. It’s a difficult thing getting over a broken heart. It’s tough when you meet someone who you think is perfect for you and the feelings are not reciprocated. When you meet the right person, things will work. You won’t have to force it, you won’t have to fake it. Things will at the right time, fall into place. You can’t fit a square peg in a round hole. It’s not made to fit.

Someone once asked me what I thought was the most important thing when dating someone. My thing? Is that first meeting. If there’s not a spark the very second or first few minutes when meeting someone you’re fooling yourself if you think you can engineer that feeling. It’s just not going to happen. Don’t try to force something into being something that it’s not. Dating’s a game folks. You got your good games and your bad games. Sometimes you slump, sometimes you’re batting 1000. The point is to treat every slump or streak as the same. There is NO REASON to get bent out of shape. “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.”

The thing I like to ask people is, would you date yourself? Pretty simple question right? Well if the answer isn’t an unequivocal yes then you got bigger problems then finding a date for Friday night. Look good relationships stem from confidence. Confidence in yourself and who you are is what’s going to attract the opposite sex to you. Don’t pretend to be something you’re not and don’t think you’re not good enough for someone. Everyone is special in their own unique fucked up way. So don’t go hating. Somewhere there is a round peg for every round hole. Probably should have used a square peg, square hole line there. Sickos.

Datings A Game

All posts in category Confidence

Mistakes and Reflections

Unexpectedly, Expected

How Long Do You Play The Game?

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