Nothing happens for a reason. There is no cosmic significance for why shit in our lives takes place and there sure as fuck is no such thing as soul mates. I’m a fool. I am a wannabe hopeless romantic and a complete fool. You know what happens when you give someone your heart? They crush you. I will never give someone that power over me again. Never. Where do you go form the bottom? How do you crawl back up?
You may find yourself depressed, in a bad mood, feeling like shit. And you know what we’ve all been there. Someone once asked me why is it that sometimes when you’re sleeping with someone it’s never more than that? That when you see a romantic comedy things always find a way of falling into place for them, but rarely in real life? I couldn’t really answer that, I am by all accounts, and quite clearly not God.
I’ve had a lot of sex in my life. Some meaningful, and most not. But why is it that seemingly every time I find someone I care about or begin to develop feelings for someone it always blows up? Why is it that each and every time I allow myself to wonder what it would be like to be in a meaningful healthy relationship with someone it falls apart? Idk maybe it’s just me. Perhaps I just give off the aura of a guy just looking to have fun. Who knows. For some reason when I finally found someone that I really couldn’t imagine my life without, here I am completely alone. Again. Maybe it’s just meant to be.
It’s not supposed to be like this anymore. You’re supposed to fall in love. You’re supposed to find the person you’re going to be with. And yet here I am floundering about not having an utter clue. I won’t pretend it’s just me. I’m not that stupid nor that vain. I just thought that eventually, especially now, that if I felt a spark I so seldom feel with someone that would be the cue for this to be something fucking spectacular. And yet, here I am, back at the start. No closer to the finish line and wondering what’s it all about again. Dating’s hard. It is a game. A lot of times you trick yourself into thinking that if you’re just fucking someone that it’s fine it’s what you want. But deep down, you know you want more. So I am not going to do that anymore. No more lying for me about what I want. No more fucking bullshit anymore. There comes a time when I think we are all fed up with the games, the bullshit, and the nonsense and you just say enough. It’s time to get to a place where I’m truly happy. Or you’re truly happy.
I’m not sure what has changed in me. Maybe I’m just a sucker. A fool. Maybe the belief that everything happens in the first place is just stupid. Who knows? At the end of the day it’s a nice thing to believe that your life falls into place and everything makes sense sometime. I think for me, whether I care to admit it or not, I’ll always believe in fate, in soul mates, in love. Because really who doesn’t want to believe in those things? Who doesn’t want to hope against hope that something magical can happen to us? Go big or go home. Love big or not at all. Put yourself out there in the hopes that the worst thing you can get is a broken heart. I’ll tell you I’ve felt more alive these past two weeks then I have in a long, long time.
Posted by datingsagame on August 27, 2012
I think it’s a fair assertion that nobody is perfect. I am certainly far from perfect. We all make mistakes. It is what those mistakes ultimately cost us that makes fucking up the worst. It could be saying something stupid, not doing something you say you will, cheating, lying, it can be anything. The point is that people will always no matter what, fuck up. It’s how we treat those mistakes it’s how we treat those transgressions that allow us to grow as a person. Trust is the hardest thing to gain and ultimately the easiest thing for someone to lose.
I have a hard time opening up and trusting someone. Actually I think I fundamentally lack the ability to trust. I don’t think anything in my life has ever scared me. I’ve been cheated on before but I have a zero tolerance for that. I have a cut and dry approach to that and if you cheat on me you’re done. We are done. No real thought goes into that. So why do you think I find it impossible to trust? I have a great family. Great friends. Nobody has ever done any real malice to me. My life has been completely blessed. What is wrong with me? Is there something wrong with me even?
I’ve noticed that I have a hard time believing what I am told from a significant other in regards to how they feel about me. Nothing crazy like I don’t believe what they did last night but I can not for some reason trust that they care about me the way they do. That’s something I know I have to work on. Something that me as a significant other in someone’s life I have to work on. Again, I admit that I am not perfect. People make mistakes. The way we go about getting beyond those hurts and mistakes is what ultimately allows us to grow as a person.
You ever hear that old adage, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me? That is 100% true. I will be very truthful when I say I have never cheated on someone. I don’t get the thought process behind it. Why throw away something you’ve spent time building to act on impulse and lust? I don’t understand it. I don’t get why people feel the need to satisfy a void or a perceived void with someone else. If your relationship is truly lacking something, sleeping around will not help. Communication, trust, love, these are the things that will ultimately get you through.
Ladies and gentlemen, sometimes people just do shitty things. There’s no excuse for them, and ultimately how you handle that destroying is what is going to allow you to mature. Have you been cheated on? I’m sure you have. Have you been verbally abused? I really hope not. Let me tell you a story. I once fell for a girl. Pretty hard. We were never official. We never established what we were. I found out she was hooking up with someone else. I was very hurt but was I allowed to be? Should I have been? Ask yourself these questions. For the first time in my life I am not mad, I am not sad, I am curious. I am wondering why someone would do these things.
Every now and then in life you get thrown a curveball and you swing and miss horribly. I’m sitting in one of those situations right now. But ultimately there’s only one thing to do. Get up and go for another at bat. In life it’s not about the amount of times you get knocked down, it’s about the times you get up. Right now I’m down. Very, very, down. But tomorrow I’ll wake up and feel a little less worse and each day the pain will go away. Tell yourself that you’re special and know that eventually you’ll find the right person. Until then, go big or don’t go at all.
Posted by datingsagame on August 17, 2012
So I recently got an opportunity to see the movie Going The Distance, staring Drew Barrymore and that guy from the Apple commercials. As you’ll recall in one of my previous posts, I’m pretty adamant against long distance relationships. But I’ve got to admit, this film has me reconsidering just a bit. I’m not gonna use this post as a synapsysis of the film. More to discuss the topic of long distance and how this Rom/Com has totally flipped my views on the subject.
So orignially my feelings were pretty blunt. Long distance doesn’t work. At the end of it, eventually someone cheats, or someone drifts away. It’s just a very stressful, difficult situation to get through. Every forray I have into long distance has ended badly. I’ve only heard of like 2 out of 200 long distance relationships actually working out. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but it’s improbable. Shit is just difficult. Who wants to hurt someone they love? Who wants to take all that time and ruin something because they’re horny one night? After a while you just get the feeling that long distance just won’t work.
But now, after seeing this one of the most uber cheesiest Rom/Com’s I must say I’m beginning to change my tune. Listen, I’ve had bad experiences and heard of plenty of other bad experiences so of course I’m not the biggest fan of long distance. But this movie has kinda flipped it. If even just a little bit. It kinda showed, and mostly due to great chemistry between Barrymore and Justin Long that if you really love someone it’s possible to make it work. At the end of the day, if you’re in it for the long haul and you can’t imagine being with the person for the rest of your life. Fuck it, go for it.
I do think long distance is the ultimate test for a relationship. I don’t think you should do it while in college and if you do it post college, I really hope you think that you’re marrying that other person. I’ve seen and met to many gorgeous girls who have a long distance boyfriend and they end up cheating on her. Make sure you’re doing this for the right reason, that you can’t live your life without this person. Because when it’s all said and done, I hope that you’re spending the rest of your life with them. That’s how hard it is. You have to fight for what you want. And in the end, everything will shake out the way it’s supposed to.
Posted by datingsagame on October 14, 2011
In almost every species on the planet except for humans, monogamy does not exist. While I have no evidence to back this up, I know I’ve heard something to the tune of what I just said. But in all seriousness, with monogamy as uncommon as it is, why is it that our generation more so than others are looking for this so strongly? Is it me or does it seem that a crazy number of <30 year olds are rapidly approaching the aisle. It’s weird. I’m all for monogamy, and if you have found the right one, well then congrats I’m super excited for you. But what is this whole, “oh I just have to be married by 30″ bullshit? Who decided 30 was when you HAD to be married by?
Granted, I think I’ve gone off on a giant tangent but back to monogamy in general. I like the idea. The thought of being with just one girl for the rest of my life does on some levels appeal to me. Some. Levels. Not all. And with a divorce rate hovering at 50% who can blame me? But the general concept I like. I do believe in soul mates, and if you’re lucky enough to find someone that you can’t live a day with out, props for you. I like it a bit more because of the obvious health reasons. AKA, no STDS. Well in a perfect world at least. But on the overall concept of spending your life with one person, I can tolerate it.
In all seriousness, monogamy for the right reasons is a great idea. Sadly, sometimes I think people back their way into a marriage, or a domestic partnership for not always the right reasons. Nobody is holding a gun to your head people. There’s no reason why you have to set up “back up plans” or fall back husbands/wives. 30 is not a number to fear. Rather embrace. There is no reason, whatsoever, that you need to be married at anyone’s pace other than your own. You need to wait until you find someone that makes you happy all the time. At that point, and only that point, you can get married. And fuck, I hope it’s when you’re 31.
Look, if you’re young and single and feel the need to establish a “back up plan” I feel sorry for you. Have some fucking confidence in yourself that you’ll find someone on your own, without having to accept a marriage for reasons unbeknownst to me. Marry for love. Be monogamous for love. Being with one person for the rest of your life is special. And if you’re lucky enough to find that I’m so because happy you’re blessed. But there is no reason why you need to fear single life. There’s nothing wrong with not being monogamous. Not everyone is meant to be. Plenty of bachelors and bachelorette’s live great, single, fun filled lives. Monogamy is being forced down our throats. Go for what makes YOU happy and nobody else.
Posted by datingsagame on July 25, 2011