There’s always that lengthy duration of sadness, regret, and fear when a relationship ends. You look back at the time spent and wonder what you could have done differently. Was there anything more you could do? Was she the one? Was your inability to adapt the driving wedge? You take an extra hard look at what has transpired over the course of the relationship and ultimately you’re just left with more questions than answers. At the end of the day for me, I’m left with sadness because I just lost someone I obviously cared deeply about but more so I’m left with an overwhelming feeling of thankfulness.
I know that thankfulness would be an odd feeling to have once a relationship is over. Especially depending upon how badly things ended. But for me, at least this time around, I’m thankful. Why you might ask? This girl, amongst all the many women in my life fundamentally changed who I am and how I act. Truthfully I waited my whole life to meet her. I waited this long to absolutely head over heels fall in love with someone and I’m glad that I had it and I’m even more glad of who I had it with. It’s a special thing love. It really is. It’s not something that you can force and it’s not something you can plan but sometimes you just end up stumbling into something great even if it doesn’t work out.
For me, I’m going to really take a moment and look back at the awesome times we had. The first kiss, the first dinner, date, everything. I’m going to look back at all of that with such fond memories that even if I’m not in the greatest of places today, tomorrow I know I’m going to be glad I shared them. You don’t plan on breaking up with someone when you get together. You don’t plan on things not working out and perhaps that’s why it’s so hard to let someone go. All you do is see the good times the great moments you shared. That’s why breaking up is hard to do. But as a relationship wears on I think you realize more and more whether this is a person you can spend the rest of your life with or not. And for me, I’m not entirely sure I got the opportunity to answer that question but the seperation will inevitably be the thing that makes me realize for better or for worse, what we had was special.
I don’t pretend to have the answers. In actuality I probably have none. I only own my life experiences and ups and downs and the feelings that are associated with them. For the time being I’m going to appreciate that I’m sad. I’m going to accept that I’m upset because you know what? All that really means is that what we shared was real. That what we had meant something. I’d rather feel like shit any day of the week to know that the time I spent with someone wasn’t for nothing. As funny as it sounds, I’m thankful for this broken heart, I’m thankful for this feeling of shit because I know deep down that she’s changed me. And I’m better off for it.
For a while there I thought it’d be unlikely I fall in love. For a while I honestly felt as if I was going to be a single bachelor my whole life and you know the truth of the matter is I didn’t necessarily mind that. I was worried that I lacked the fundamental capabilities to love someone. And now I know that’s not the case. Now I know that I can fight for love and I can appreciate love and I can care for someone deeper than I ever imagined possible. That I would be willing to put someone else first. That I’d for once in my life stop being the selfish prick that I am and truly and genuinely with all my heart love someone. That’s a powerful gift I was given and something I will never take for granted again.
Unfortunately, not everything in life works out. And unfortunately not everyone is meant to be with you forever. And that’s ok. Things happen for a reason in life and at the conclusion of each day you have to just smile and be thankful for the days you’ve lived and the days to come. I don’t believe in mistakes. I don’t believe in regrets and for me I’m happy as hell that I met this person. I’m incredibly blessed to have shared the time I have with her because I’m a better person for having met her. So I took my licks, and I took my bruises but now I can smile and look back fondly on the time we spent together. I can live without a regret and know that the pain I’m feeling now is because of the love we shared.
Breakups suck. Losing someone from your life is difficult and it’s absolutely never going to get easier. Take your time to feel bad and take your time to feel sorry but don’t find yourself lost in a funk. Allow yourself the time you think you need to grieve and then it’s time to stand up again. Life is too short to be anything but happy everyday. Life is about falling down and willing yourself to get back up and the fight off the ground is what makes life special. It’s not about the amount of times we get knocked down but the amount of times we get back up. Life is an incredibly precarious, gentle, fragile thing and you should never take it for granted. Be thankful for the time you have with someone in your life because tomorrow there are no guarantees.
Posted by datingsagame on February 3, 2013
I have been asked this a couple times so I figured it worthy of a post. The question being, should you give a past girlfriend/boyfriend a second chance? That in my opinion is probably the most difficult relationship type question to be asked. The thing I always point out to and the thing I think people most typically ignore is the bad times. Sure when you’re thinking about getting back together with an ex you remember all of the good times. The fun, the parties, the dates, the sex. All the important things like why you broke up in the first place cease to exist. You tend to forget about the fights, the drama, the things that bothered you and caused the break up in the first place.
But don’t take my opinion for it. I have no idea what I’m talking about. Seriously though, think about it logically. When you look back in your past I would argue that you remember 95% of the good stuff and only 5% of the bad stuff. I mean I can speak honestly and say for the most part, I definitely block out the bad shit that happens. And I don’t even mean that exclusively in a dating sense. Seldom does someone want to look back and think about the shit that was bad. I mean why would you? That doesn’t make much sense. Memories are meant to be positive and so you remember the good times, not the bad.
Now with all that being said, odds are you’re going to get back together with that person. And why is that? Comfort. You grew so accustomed to what life was like with that person that you didn’t give yourself much time to fully adjust to life with out them. That’s the problem. If you’re never truly over the person and don’t give yourself a chance to move on, how could you possibly ever envision your life with out them? Odds are you won’t. Or just choose not to.
I’m not saying there’s a right or wrong answer here. Sometimes time is really all you need to figure out what you want with each other and realize that you belong together. And I hope that ends up happening to every couple who gets back together. But sometimes things stay status quo and unfortunately you’re right back where you were originally except you’re sad again, and it’s another 6 months to a year later. Look at the end of the day you have to live your life the way you want it. Ignore what people tell you and trust your gut and ultimately go with your heart.
Things happen for a reason and sometimes you just have to do what’s right for you. Feel free to make mistakes. Life is all about mistakes, getting over them and learning from them. If you can’t do that you’re doomed for a life of misery. I don’t mean that literally but seriously, you have to learn from your mistakes. If you don’t figure out what makes you happy, then you will find it extremely difficult to be so. I say no matter what you should always trust yourself and trust your heart. Go for things that you know in the end may not work out because in the moment it feels right. At the end of the day better to live a life regret free then full of regrets!
Posted by datingsagame on April 4, 2011
While I may pretend like I am perfect, the unfortunate and sad truth is that is clearly not the case. I’d love to pretend like I am an amazing hopeless romantic, and that I always treat girls like gold, but that would be a lie. I’m a guy, and unfortunately I’ve had my fair shake of mistakes and things I wish I could take back. As I hit this milestone of my 100th post, I decided to take a look at all of my past experiences and evaluate how I’ve grown just in the last couple of years.
I’m not even gonna bother discussing my early dating life because to summarize quite generally, I was a prick. An asshole, and completely void of any type of ability to make a decision. Too many times I’d find myself “with” a girl on the weekends, only to tell her throughout the week that I didn’t want to be with her. These early years were I think one of the main reasons why I’ve stayed single as long as I have. It was a time where I was unable to decide what exactly it was I was looking for. And because of that, too many times I ended up fucking over a nice girl who I strung along for no reason other then my own need to feel wanted.
I’ll say I graduated from step one of dating to step two. Step two was a good time for me because I started spending a lot of time with an increasingly smaller amount of women. Talk about an oxymoron haha. What I’m trying to say, is that I was doing a better job of increasing the amount of time I was spending with the girls in my life, versus the old fuck and chuck me that used to exist. Step two was a good time because I thought I was growing as a person but in actuality a lot of my own insecurities and faults bubbled back up to the surface and I realized I wasn’t all that different from step one me.
Step three me was probably the worst phase of my dating history. I met a couple girls who for one reason or another broke my heart badly. There was the girl who was engaged to be engaged, that sucked a lot. And then there was the accountant I was dating who turned out to not entirely be over her ex bf. All in all I thought the length of time I spent with these two girls was a stepping stone in the right direction, but the end result was definitely not what I was looking for. Of all three of the steps, step three was by far the most difficult for me to overcome. Truthfully after this stage, I regressed a bit into my old ways, but I luckily think I’ve moved on to stage four.
Stage four is where I’m at right now in my life. I consider myself in the perfect place in my life in all ways possible. Family life has gotten a lot better after the ending of 2010 really dealt a difficult blow with the passing of my grandmother, but thankfully we’ve only gotten closer because of this. Work wise I couldn’t be happier. I’m freelancing a lot of different work, making more money then ever and just all in all enjoying life. My personal life has hit a great stride and I think soon I could see myself wifing up a girl for at least a short while. (girlfriend, not actual wife). So it being a reflective post, and mostly with an optimistic outlook to the future, where do I see things going in the next 6 months?
Good question. Ultimately I see myself with a girlfriend sometime soon. I’m in the right place in my life to want to settle down but I’m not going to force it. That would be devastating. You can’t plan these things and I don’t hope to. I just am in the right spot in my life and could see myself slowing down in the dating game a bit more in 2011. Over the last 100 posts I’ve learned a lot about myself and hopefully you’ve learned a lot about yourself through reading my fucked up dating life. There’s no time like the present. I’m going to be hoping for another 100 and I hope you’re going to be right here with me. Sometime things don’t work out but I have a feeling these next few months should be great for all of us. So good luck, and keep an eye out for post 101.
Posted by datingsagame on January 20, 2011